I’ve created a new film rating system…
What does 3 stars really mean? Hang on, this review is out of 6 stars and not 5? How can you score half a star?
These are some of the most pointless things that run through my head when watching films at the cinema or on DVD; I decided something must be done! So here you go, this is ‘Tom’s Rating system for films’ from now on.
What the hell was I thinking seeing this and will snap the DVD if you buy it for me (formerly 1 Star)
This will be reserved for the epitome of all evil, the film that makes me shake with rage or vomit with such force my internal organs leave their comfy, squishy home. Such films would include:
Battlefield Earth (John Travolta)
There is a certain series of films that I would be castrated for mentioning on here..
I wasted my money and will return the DVD if you buy it for me (formerly 2 Stars)
You won’t want to pull your eyes out but it’ll be painful sitting through the entire film, you will question why you chose to do such a stupid thing. Films include:
Vanilla Sky (Tom Cruise)
It could have been worse and will sit and watch it when it’s the only thing on telly (formerly 3 stars)
This is the middling ground, the type of film that I will sit through and think ‘this wasn’t bad but I’m struggling to find something good at the same time’. To be honest, you could probably categorise most films that are just action, action, action and require you just to vegetate in front of the screen. These films would include:
Transformers (Shia Le Boeuf etc), Chain Reaction (Keanu Reeves)
Loved seeing this and I might even consider buying this on DVD (formerly 4 stars)
Now things are starting to get interesting, the film held my interest and I came out wanting to talk about it. The film might even stay in mind for a couple of days and I will even look forward to re-watching it in a few months if I get the chance. Films included here are:
Arrival (Watched last night, great film, Amy Adams), Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (Andy Serkis), Hunger Games (Jennifer Lawrence)
Holy shit that was amazing, I’m booking another cinema trip to it now and have pre-ordered on Amazon (formerly 5 stars)
Oh yes, the creme de la creme of films, the one that makes you think ‘Wow’! These films are rare to come by but when you do, you start planning additional screenings and the pre-ordering of DVD special edition sets. Through the entirety of the film you sit there, wanting more and when it finishes you feel a little empty. Friends who haven’t seen it will get annoyed with the number of times you go on about it. Films included:
Star Trek Original Films (William Shatner), New Star Trek films (Chris Pine), Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger), Die Hard (Bruce Willis), Dr Strange (Benedict CucumberSnatch) and so many more!